It's hard to trust myself. My own well-meaning words betray me...
Sometimes when I'm specifically trying to NOT do something, I'm focusing on that something so much that I end up doing it.
I have a random issue to get off my chest.
Came back to my best-friend guy room mate having settled in with a gal he'd only been dating when I left. I like the gal. But I have a fear stemming from having lost awesome guy friends to new female love interests. The most esteemed man and friend I had in my life I lost to a long-term girlfriend turned wife. I tried in every way to meet and woo said fiancee. Without having met me she put her foot down and he cut off all ties with me to "preserve the stability of family" or some such business. I feel still the weight of sorrow and regret for history having followed a senseless path.
Back from the trip, with my roomie's and his lady's relationship escalated, old fears dominate my thinking and since I'm trying so hard to be nice and no matter what keep domestic situations friendly I'm afraid that I'll actually come off as being cold, or jealous, or Anything Bad...While away I came to value my roomies friendship as one of the most precious in my life--a due I gave to only one other, He who still fills my dreams with sorrow--the only time I ever get to see him anymore.
In my doubt and being my self-conscious over-thinking self, will I actually create a self-fulfilling prophecy??
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